May our Paths Cross Again

L. Brooks Patterson and Oakland County Commissioners honor Beth Morrison for her many  years of service at HAVEN. 

Somewhat unbelievable but here it is, my final days at HAVEN.  When my husband and I first began to discuss making our dream happen, returning to Tucson, the idea seemed so far away. Now, our home is nearly packed up, my office is looking rather bare, and the to do list is significantly shorter. These last two months have flown by so quickly.

When I reflect back on my time here, there are so many memorable moments. It is hard to capture what stands out the most but what I loved most about HAVEN is the relationships created. HAVEN gave me the opportunity to meet and connect with many wonderful individuals – staff, board members, volunteers, donors, supporters, and community leaders.  I have felt blessed a thousand times over by having such great support; vital support as we worked daily together to make the world a slightly safer place.

I have also been honored by standing witness to the stories of survivors, hearing their struggles and triumphs. Many of these stories I will forever carry with me, forever imprinted in my soul. Although my new position will not be domestic and sexual violence centric, I will remain a strong ally and advocate for survivors, fueled by standing witness for so many years to the injustice they encounter.

Over the past week, I had the simple daily task of adding water to our meditation garden fountain. Each day that I stood, garden hose in hand, a shelter resident sat quietly under the pagoda. She always greeted me but then went back to her reading, writing, or just simply sitting in this quiet and reflective space.  After a couple of days, she shared with me how full of gratitude she was for having this space, a  place where she could just be. We chatted for a bit about how we all need sacred space, personal space to be safe and be free. She shared how she had lost herself and how slowly, with HAVEN’s help, was slowly rediscovering who she was and who she wanted to be going forward.

And that is what HAVEN does – sometimes we just simply provide that safe space, that safe moment, that safe listening. We are facilitators of personal change and growth. And through the literally thousands of moments that I too had at HAVEN, I have grown beyond measure. My heart is full.

In closing of my final “Beth’s Blog”, I thank each of you for your support over my tenure at HAVEN. I, like you, look forward to following HAVEN’s next chapter and its success in advancing its mission. I know that good things lie in store for the organization and am excited for its future leader. I will remain, even if 2,000 miles away, one of HAVEN’s biggest ambassadors and supporters.

Best wishes to one and all, may our paths cross in the future.

Gratitude is a poem…..whispered from one heart to another.  Thank you.

 

Drain the Swamp

By Beth Morrison, HAVEN CEO

I don’t like mosquitoes and I have to admit the whole West Nile problem has me a bit freaked out.  I am glad that health officials, scientists and others are working diligently to come up with solutions to the problem, and to decrease the incident rate of this scary and sometimes fatal disease.

You may not be aware, but the mosquito and malaria epidemic is one of the analogies cited in the violence against women movement. The story goes that a community had an extremely high incident rate of malaria and they gathered together to find a way to decrease the rate. First they sprayed the grass, common areas, yards and woods of the community with minimal results. Next they treated water sources with again minimal results. After trying a few more techniques, the realization came that they were just reducing the risk of a mosquito bite but if they really wanted to eliminate mosquitoes and therefore malaria, they needed to remove the source. They needed to literally drain the swamp for true prevention and elimination.

As we approach eliminating violence against women and children, we too must “drain the swamp.”  We must put real concentrated efforts at addressing the root problems in our society and exploring why the violence occurs in the first place.  We must tackle the long-standing societal norms and culture of misogyny, oppression and sexism as a start.

Just like the West Nile has recently been labeled an epidemic, we must treat violence against women and children as an epidemic and commit adequate resources to its eradication. More women and children will die or be harmed, physically and emotionally, from abuse this year than those impacted by West Nile. Don’t they deserve the same attention and resources?

For a start, let’s get politicians to set aside their own personal and party agendas and pass a “real” VAWA . And then let’s start to look at the dollars and programming needed to provide true prevention efforts. Let’s work on making eliminating violence against women and children a top priority in our country and around the world.

It is a big and daunting but if we can position an army to combat mosquitoes certainly we are up to the task of saving the women and children in our lives too.

The Must Have To-Do List

By Beth Morrison, HAVEN CEO

Beth pictured with her son Colin.

Another September, another year of sending off our children to school, whether it is kindergarten or college. For me this is my 17th year, as I “send off” Colin to his 4^th year of college.

With the annual send off there is always a list involved – school supply list, book lists, clothing list, dorm or apartment lists and I’m sure there are even more lists! But this year I challenge parents of students of all ages to at least momentarily put their lists aside and pick up my to-do list. The good news is that it won’t cost you a dime!

Most Important Back to School To-Do List

1. Talk with your child about respect. Respect for self and respect for others, especially those who are different from us. Talk about how we show  respect  and what to do when others don’t show us respect.
2. Talk about personal space and healthy boundaries.
3. Talk about tolerance, intolerance, indifference and apathy.
4. Talk about healthy relationships.
5. Talk about communication, the sharing of opinions and how to disagree with respect and dignity.
6. Talk about consent.
7. And most important, talk about trust and love. Talk about how your love for them equates into trusting them to make good decisions but in the face of bad decisions, you are there to listen and help.

And when you are done talking, continue to model your core values and beliefs around respect, tolerance, boundaries, relationships, communication, trust and love.

As parents it is so easy to get wrapped up in making sure that our kids have all the right “equipment” they need for school – the correct type of pencils, calculators, shoes, etc. But isn’t it more important that we equip them with the core values they will need to be successful as people?

An open letter

(An open letter to a former client of Beth Morrison. The client name has been changed to protect her identify.)

Dear Jane,

Tonight I am thinking of you as I process the events of the past 48 hours. It was my honor to serve as your rape counselor 27 years ago and I can’t help but go back to those dark and difficult days sitting by your side.

Todd Akin had no right to make such outrageous and false statements about a subject of which he clearly has no real knowledge.  What struck me more than his idiotic comment was the pain and trauma that I knew he would ultimately inflict upon rape survivors such as you.

I spent much time by your side 27 years ago, from the night at the emergency room just two hours after your assault, to two years later in a victim support group. This is why I know how you might be personally impacted by Akins’ callous and harmful comments.  I held your hand and walked with you as you debated the painful decision of continuing with the pregnancy or not.  I know that the decision was difficult. For decades I have continued to be deeply touched by your bravery and the strength you demonstrated in making this life-altering decision.

I also recall time spent in subsequent sessions dealing with the shame and embarrassment of being raped. You lamented over whether or not you could have somehow contributed to being raped. In Todd Akin’s words, you were questioning whether or not your rape was “a legitimate rape.”  I hope that over the years since we last met that you have been able to hang on to the knowledge and belief that you did not deserve or in any way contribute to being assaulted – regardless of the victim blaming that Todd Akin or others like him insist on perpetuating.

We all have to let him know that women can’t prevent rape and certainly can’t prevent an unwelcomed pregnancy that results from rape and ALL rapes are legitimate!

Jane, you are one remarkable woman – a woman of great strength, bravery and class.  You are much stronger, wiser and braver than Todd Akin will ever be. You, other rape survivors and all women cannot let the Todd Akins of the world win – not in politics, in theory, in action or in belief. We have to stand strong and say NO MORE.

Now 27 years and potentially thousands of miles apart, I want you to know that I still stand right next to you.  We will get through this as we did many years ago by holding hands, fighting back and using our voice.

Beth Morrison

PS:  Note that I have decided to not address Todd Akin as a Representative – he does not represent me and does not deserve that honor.